/ Allmänt /


In the late Spring of 1999, my father was diagnosed with stage four terminal cancer. His doctor predicted he'd live another six months at best. The news was both devastating and shocking. After all, he was only 57 years old. As children, our parents are our bedrock, our essence of being; both biologically and metaphorically. As teenagers, we tend to view our parents as hurdles, obstacles in the paths of our ambitions. Often, it is not until we mature and become parents ourselves that we see things from their perspective, that we begin to understand the depths of their commitments in our lives and value them accordingly.

Perhaps it was regret for the time lost with him during the years previous, coupled with the unwelcome reminder of my own impermanence, that intensified my sadness during his illness. Each day that passed brought us nearer to the end and time seemed to elapse more quickly each hour, even as I struggled against it.

As the cancer raged through his body and my father began to lose his struggle against the disease, I became more distraught and mournful than ever. In my grief, I wrote for him a song, "Forever," in an attempt to capture his value to me and my defiance towards his imminent departure from this earth. I sat endlessly by his side for the last few days, only sleeping when my body shut down against my will. Regrettably, he lost consciousness before I could share the words I had written with him. Two days later, my father passed away quietly at his home on November 30, 1999.

- Rexx Arkana

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/ Allmänt /

Quite Unusual

The sun went down and the ground started sort
of grinding

A blinding light tore across the sky

A cyclone swept the landscape out and left it
completely flattened out

- Front 242

/ Allmänt /

Friends and no foes

I don't believe in the existence of mercy's guiding hand...
Not with all that I have witnessed, I cannot understand.
Forever burdened with the knowledge that I could have been so much more
When the truth is hard to suffer, I knew this all before.

There is no comfort in faith, the heavens still will fall.
A thousand towers rise before me and I cannot climb them all.
There is no kind of joy in this, there is no time that it can heal,
When emptiness enshadows bliss, there is nothing left to feel.

I have not abandoned hope, though I know there's nothing more.
Tired and alone, you forget what you hoped for.

I will walk this ground forever
and stand guard against your name.
I will give all I can offer,
I will shoulder all the blame.
I am sentry to you now,
all your hopes and all your dreams.
I will hold you to the light,
that's what forever means.

I was never what you wanted, I could never never please.
I swallowed all our sorrow in the midst of my disease.
All my fortunes, all my gains, all the battles I have won...
Now collapsing like the rain, I stand alone, your only son...

Take some solace in these words, take notice of this place.
Hollow whispers that they are, like the wind upon my face.
Sing softly in my ear and look at me with wonder.
I will try to ease your fear as the darkness pulls you under.

 Underbara Er

- Forever